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O

One Dark Night (1983)

Damien Ross

Thomas Mcloughlin

“I wanna get there before it closes, nerdle brain!”

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Opening scene: Camera pans in on a house by a cemetery on a night of thunder and lightning. Inside, a woman lay awake staring at the ceiling. She has a vision of a female hitchhiker being picked up and murdered. She screams, as if waking up from a nightmare.

The following morning, the coroners show up to an apartment building. A crowd gathers on the street out front. There are six dead girls inside with no signs as to their cause of deaths. The inside of the apartment is thrashed, like a tornado came through, silverware and dishes stuck into the walls and the six dead girls piled and spilling out of the closet. The apartment belongs to Raymar, who died of a heart-attack and is being transported to the local mausoleum. His daughter, Olivia, from the opening, shows up with her husband, Adam West, AKA, Batman.

Elsewhere: A college campus. Three girls, Leslie, Carol, and Kitty: The Sisters. Julie is the newest pledge who is coincidently dating Steve, Carol’s ex. Carol has special plans for Julie. She’s jealous even though she dumped him.

That night, Steve and Julie go on a date at the beach. They play arcade games, air hockey, and ride bumper cars... A nice little boardwalk montage. But the date goes sour as they fight over Julie’s desire to join the sorority and prove she’s not a “pansy.” She storms off and walks home.

A senior writer for the World of the Occult, Dockstader, pays Olivia a visit. He explains bio-energy and that it exists in all living things. By tapping into bio-energy, her father could move things with his mind. Olivia had always been told that he was a fake, but Raymar could actually drain the energy of living things and use said energy to levitate things, hence, no noticeable cause of death. And he usually picked up hitchhikers, hence, Olivia’s vision/dream. Dockstader leaves her with a tape.

Steve goes over to Carol’s to confront her about how she’s treating Julie and tells her to back off. Nothing like the ex causing problems with the current. She offers a subtle proposition so he pushes her away and leaves. She watches him drive away, disappointed that her old charms no longer work. Downstairs she reads a note from her mom saying that she’ll be gone till Sunday so she calls Julie to let her know she’ll be picking her up in fifteen minutes and to bring a sleeping bag. It’s time for her final test.

The Sisters give Julie a flashlight and drop her off at the mausoleum where she’ll be locked in until morning. The inside of the mausoleum reminds me of Phantasm. Julie walks around and looks for a place to set up camp. She just happens to find a cozy little spot next to Raymar’s “drawer.”

Later That Night: Adam West invites Olivia to hit the hay. She lies and says she’s gonna finish reading a chapter of her book, but really she is going to listen to her tape: The Karl Raymar Experiment.

Back at The mausoleum, Julie tries to go to sleep, but can’t. Every tiny noise keeps her up so she gets a drink of water.

The Sisters circle back to the mausoleum, smoking a joint and planning to scare Julie, but Leslie is not down so they drop her off. Carol and Kitty, sneak into the mausoleum through a window they propped open earlier.

Steve is worried about Julie so he stops by her house, but no answer. He drives around on his motorcycle, with no helmet, looking for her, but instead finds Leslie and she spills the beans: Julie is in the mausoleum. Steve’s pissed, but Leslie won’t go with him so he has to find the propped window by himself.

Carol and Kitty find Raymar’s drawer. Carol knows who he is. They light up the last of the joint and trade puffs. Carol tells Kitty the stories about him, but Kitty assumes she’s just fucking with her. Carol flicks the roach at Raymar’s placard, which seems to wake him as well as piss him off. They separate as they prepare to scare Julie.

Carol starts to notice that something is up. She looks for Kitty. The chapel is trashed and they assume Julie did it.

Olivia is still listening to the tape, which foreshadows what’s happening in the mausoleum. Olivia has inherited some of her father’s power and is watching everything from the comfort of her home.

Meanwhile, the wall above Raymar’s drawer is glowing, cracked, and about to bust... Then it does and his casket hovers out. The girls sit transfixed in front of it. The casket opens, Raymar comes out, although not back to life, undead.

Olivia is on her way, despite Adam West’s pleas to stop her.

Steve found the window, and now he’s in, but more coffins are sliding out of their drawers.

Raymar is back from the dead. His eyes are electric as he brings other coffins out and the corpses to rise from inside. Luckily, the Sisters are getting the worst of it while Julie is left alone, trapped in a room. She has no idea what’s going on outside the room.

Once Julie is free, she runs into Steve. He tries to comfort her. He blames all the events on Carol and Kitty, but she knows it’s something more. When they turn around, they’re surrounded by undead corpses. Julie winds up face to face with Raymar, but Olivia arrives in time, kinda. She saves Julie, but gets knocked to the ground. She grabs her compact mirror out of her spilled purse and points it at Ramar’s (Emperor) eyes, channeling his negative energy right back into his skull, killing him and the corpses he resurrected. Then she, Julie, and Steve leave. As for Carol and Kitty, they dead. The End.

Afterthought: There’s so much to like about this film: The year, the title, the premise, everything but the film itself. It’s not even that it’s bad, it’s just blah and it has three groups of characters that it bounces between so you can’t really get into any of the scenes cuz as soon as you do it goes back to the other, like when Walking Dead got really popular and loaded with commercial dividers only to leave you on a cliffhanger then return to a different scene. Or maybe its just me, sorry, this was a terrible review.

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The Badass Bitch Award goes to Olivia, for learning about her father and harnessing his powers enough to save Steve and Julie.

What did we learn? Survival Tips:

1) Once again, don’t hitchhike!

2) Don’t dump your boyfriend if you’re still in love with him.

3) Don’t spend the night in a mausoleum!

4) Don’t cheat when you already have a loaded deck.

5) Don’t be a deadbeat dad!

The Omen (1976)

Damien Ross

Richard Donner

"The Devil's child will rise from the world of politics."

American ambassador, Robert Thorn, is on his way to the hospital for the birth of his baby. Unfortunately, his baby is stillborn, but as luck would have it, a lady down the hall died while she gave birth to a live baby. So Robert accepts a proposition, which is probably the worst lie you could possibly tell your wife, then does the ol' switcharoo. How could this possibly go wrong, so long as he doesn't have a conscience and this baby doesn't turn out to be the Antichrist?

Five years later, all is going well until Damien's fifth birthday party when his nanny decides to hang herself in front of everyone. The days pass and a new nanny shows up, but neither Robert nor his wife recall hiring her, nor do they look into it. They do notice that Damien hates churches, he's never gotten sick, and animals hate him, except for a black dog that's always lurking around.

A crazy priest keeps following Robert, harassing him and trying to warn him. Finally, Robert listens to him and the priest tells him that his wife is pregnant and Damien is going to try to kill the baby and her, then him, and then he's going to get all the power. Shortly after, the priest is impaled and killed.

By now, Robert's wife hates Damien and tells Robert that she is in fact pregnant, but she doesn't want anymore kids, she wants an abortion. Robert thinks that somehow if she has the baby, it'll break the curse the priest spoke of.

Robert gets a call and meets with the photographer, Jennings, from Damien's birthday party. Jennings is disturbed by prophetic photos he had taken of the nanny and the priest. In a photo of the nanny, you could see the shadow of the noose before she hanged herself and in multiple pictures of the priest you could see the shadow line that matched up with where he was impaled. Jennings had an ulterior motive though, he had a picture of himself that depicted a dark shadow line going through his neck. The darker the line, the sooner you die I'm guessing.

Damien tries to kill his mother by knocking her off the upper floor where she falls to the lower level. She lives, but her unborn baby doesn't, making her 0-2.

Robert and Jennings are running around trying to find out where Damien originally came from. The hospital he was born in burned down shortly after his birth (somehow Robert had no knowledge of this up until now), but they did manage to track down the priest that propositioned Robert in the first place. He was mute, burned, and seemingly had lost his mind, but somehow was still able to direct him to the cemetery Damien's mom was buried at.

They drive to the cemetery, which was in ruins, and somehow Jennings almost immediately found her grave. They opened it up, but all they found was an animal corpse. The grave next to it held a baby skeleton with a hole in the skull. Robert's baby wasn't stillborn, it was murdered! But who was behind this plot? Just then that damn black dog shows up and this time he's got friends. Luckily for Jennings, there were no shadows of teeth marks in his photo, he should have just chilled. He and Robert narrowly escape.
Robert calls his wife at the hospital and tells her to pack her bag because he's sending someone to pick her up and get her out of there, but it is too late, the nanny is in her room. The nanny pushes her out the window to her death. Robert gets a phone call and is told the news. He has to kill Damien.

Jennings and Robert go to a guy. I don't know who the guy is, but he seems to be an expert on killing Antichrists and asks no questions even after being told the Antichrist is a little kid. They leave and Robert decides he can't go through with it and throws the knives, but Jennings knows he's fucked, but he's gonna live even it means he's got to kill a little kid so he goes after the knives. This is when a truck backing up stops and a huge sheet of glass slides off the back and decapitates him. Jennings should have taken a picture of Robert to motivate him, but he's motivated now.

Robert goes home. He still needs proof so while Damien is sleeping, he starts cutting his hair to find his 666. Luckily Damien doesn't sleep on his 666 side so it was fairly easy to find. Unfortunately, the crazy nanny has snuck in and is on his back. She has zero jiu-jitsu skills so it's not too hard to get her off and kill her, but now Damien is awake. No problem, he scoops him up, puts him in his car, and speeds away, but now the cops are after him.

The Gilligan Award goes to Robert Thorn for so many reasons. First of all, the lie. What kind of person switches a baby and is just okay with it? Second, he ignores so many warnings that get his wife seriously injured, unborn baby aborted, then wife killed, and Jennings killed. Then for his finale, even though he knows the cops are right behind him, he holds a knife up to kill Damien in front of the cops getting himself killed and Damien is free.

This movie came out three months and a day before I was born, but my horror movie loving mom swears this is not where she got my name. I first saw this film when I was in the fourth grade and my phone number was 694-6664.

What did we learn? Survival Tips:

1) Don't keep secrets from your wife.

2) Spend time with your kid once in awhile.

3) Listen to crazy priests who die shortly after giving you advice.

4) Screen your nannies.